Why Conversion Therapy Is Harmful: What Parents Need to Know When Their Child Comes Out
If your child has come out to you as LGBTQ+, you may be feeling a mix of love, fear, confusion, grief, and uncertainty. You may be searching for guidance because you want to do the right thing, even if you are not sure what that looks like yet.
That is often the moment when conversion therapy enters the conversation.
Sometimes it is presented as counseling. Sometimes it is put in a religious context. Sometimes it is described as a way to āhelpā a child return to a healthier, more acceptable life.
But conversion therapy is not a legitimate treatment. It is a harmful practice that tries to change a personās sexual orientation or gender identity, and it has been linked to serious psychological harm.
For parents who are scared and trying to protect their child, this can be a hard truth to hear. But the best evidence we have is clear: conversion therapy does not heal children. It hurts them.
The best evidence we have is clear:
Conversion therapy does not heal children. It hurts them.
What Conversion Therapy Is
Conversion therapy refers to any practice that attempts to alter or suppress a personās LGBTQ+ identity. The language around it can sound compassionate at first. Parents may be told a child is confused, in rebellion, traumatized, or simply in need of guidance. But the underlying message is the same: who they are is wrong, and they must become someone else to be acceptable.
It may involve counseling, prayer-based intervention, coercive family pressure, or programs that promise change if a young person works hard enough, prays hard enough, or is āfaithfulā enough.
That message can do lasting damage.
Why Conversion Therapy Is Harmful
The practice is associated with depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms, shame, and suicidal thinking, especially in young people. Major medical and mental health organizations have said that conversion therapy is not supported by evidence and can cause serious harm.
The harm does not come only from the therapy session itself. It often comes from the environment around it:
family rejection,
spiritual condemnation,
fear of losing belonging,
pressure to hide,
and repeated messages that identity must be corrected.
For LGBTQ+ youth, that combination can become deeply destabilizing. Instead of feeling seen and supported, they may feel defective, isolated, and terrified of losing the people they love most.
The Trevor Project has documented how conversion therapy exposure is associated with higher suicide risk among LGBTQ+ young people.
The UN human rights office has warned that these practices can amount to torture and should be banned.
What the Science Says
The scientific case against conversion therapy is strong.
A Stanford Medicine study found that conversion practices are linked to higher symptoms of depression, PTSD, and suicidality. A JAMA Pediatrics analysis found major human and economic burdens tied to these practices. The American Psychological Association has also said that conversion therapy is ineffective and unethical.
In plain language, the research says what survivors have been saying for years: conversion therapy does not make people healthier. It makes many people worse.
Real-Life Stories That Show the Harm
Statistics matter, but stories help people understand the human cost.
Mathew Shurka has shared that his family spent years and a significant amount of money trying to change him, leaving him with lasting emotional harm.[pbswisconsin]ā
George described how conversion practices pushed him into denial, self-harm, and eventually a suicide attempt.[banconversionpractices]ā
Kate McCobb said she was told her attraction to women was pathological, even though she had not asked to change who she was. Rather than helping, the experience caused pain and shame.[nclrights]ā
Trevor Darling has spoken about the lingering damage of being sent to conversion therapy as a child and hearing the message that he could be āfixedā.[yahoo]ā
Dr. Bobbie, featured by The Trevor Project, described conversion therapy as traumatic and linked it to clinical depression.[thetrevorproject]ā
These stories are not rare exceptions. They are consistent with what the research shows over and over again.
Why Parents May Be Tempted to Try Conversion Therapy
If you are a parent, it may help to pause and name the fear underneath the urge to fix.
You may worry that your child will be bullied, lose opportunities, struggle spiritually, or live a hard life. You may be grieving the future you imagined. You may also be getting pressure from extended family, your faith community, or a counselor who tells you there is still a way to change your child.
Those feelings are real. But fear does not make conversion therapy safe.
Parents usually want to protect their children. The problem is that conversion therapy offers false protection. It promises relief, but it often creates greater emotional pain.
What Parents Can Do Instead
If your child comes out to you, your first response does not have to be perfect. It only has to be loving.
āI love you.ā
āThank you for telling me.ā
āI may need time to learn, but Iām here.ā
āYou are not broken.ā
āI want to understand you better.ā
Those words matter. Supportive family relationships are one of the strongest protective factors for LGBTQ+ youth. Acceptance does not mean you understand everything immediately. It means your child does not have to face your rejection on top of everything else.
What Parents Should Avoid
Avoid any counselor, church program, or support group that promises to change your childās sexual orientation or gender identity. Avoid language that treats your child as a problem to solve. Avoid making them responsible for your disappointment or fear.
Your child does not need to be fixed. They need to be safe.
Why Conversion Therapy Is in the News Again
Conversion therapy has returned to the headlines because of the Supreme Courtās 2026 ruling in Chiles v. Salazar, which struck downColoradoās ban on the practice for minors. The decision prompted strong responses from medical organizations, LGBTQ+ advocates, and survivors who warned that it could weaken protections for young people.
That renewed attention matters because it reminds us that this is not an abstract policy debate. It affects real children, real parents, and real lives.
The Bottom Line for Parents
If your child comes out to you, the most important thing you can offer is not control. It is love.
Your child does not need to be corrected, erased, or changed into someone else. They need your safety, your presence, and your willingness to stay with them through uncertainty.
Conversion therapy is not the answer.
Love is.
Conclusion
Parents do not need to have all the answers the moment their child comes out. But they do need to choose a direction.
They can choose fear, shame, and harmful attempts to change what cannot and should not be changed. Or they can choose curiosity, compassion, and unconditional support.
The science, the survivor stories, and the medical consensus all point the same way: conversion therapy harms people. If you are trying to help your child, the best place to begin is not with fixing. It is with love.
References
Conversion therapy can amount to torture and should be banned, says UN expert
Conversion practices linked to depression, PTSD and suicide-related outcomes
The Trevor Project: Survivors of Conversion Therapy Tell Their Stories
The Trevor Project: New study finds conversion therapy harms and associated costs
American Psychological Association: Position Statement on Conversion Therapy and LGBTQ+ Patients
American Psychological Association statement on the Supreme Court decision in Chiles v. Salazar
JAMA Pediatrics: Humanistic and Economic Burden of Conversion Therapy Among LGBTQ Youth
Supreme Court sides with therapist in challenge to Coloradoās ban on conversion therapy
NPR: The Supreme Court struck down a ban on conversion therapy in Colorado