How to Survive the Holidays (As a Queer Person)

The holiday season can be magical, filled with lights, love, and laughter—but for many LGBTQ folks, it’s also a time of navigating complex family dynamics, old triggers, and environments that may not feel entirely affirming.

Whether you’re heading home, hosting your own holiday celebration, or skipping it all to focus on self-care, here’s your survival guide for making it through the season with your well-being intact.

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1. Take Care of You First

The holidays can be emotionally and physically draining for everyone, but LGBTQ folks often face added layers of stress when returning to homes of origin. That’s why self-care is non-negotiable.

Make sure you’re well-rested and have tools in place to manage stress. Whether it’s journaling, meditating, exercising, or diving into your favorite queer-friendly media, prioritize your well-being before you step into potentially stressful spaces.

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2. Surround Yourself with Safe People

Your chosen family matters. In the days leading up to holiday visits, spend time with friends and community members who see, accept, and celebrate you. Surrounding yourself with safe, affirming people before and after your trip can create a much-needed buffer of support.

If your family dynamic feels unsafe or tense, consider bringing a supportive ally, partner, or friend home with you. Sometimes having just one familiar, accepting presence can make all the difference.

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3. Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries aren’t just self-care; they’re survival. Before heading home, communicate clearly with your family about what you need to feel respected and comfortable.

Let them know what topics are off-limits (e.g., no discussions about your gender identity, sexual orientation, or life choices) and what language is appropriate. While it may feel awkward to spell things out, don’t assume they’ll figure it out on their own.

For example, you could say:
"I’d appreciate it if we avoided conversations about [topic] during dinner. Let’s focus on catching up and enjoying the holidays together."

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4. Prepare for Triggering Moments

Let’s face it: Some situations may still catch you off guard. Whether it’s an intrusive question from a relative or a microaggression disguised as a “joke,” plan how you’ll respond in advance.

Practice responses that protect your peace, like:

• “I’m not comfortable discussing that right now.”

• “Let’s steer the conversation back to the holidays.”

Even stepping outside for fresh air can help you regain composure when things feel overwhelming.

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5. Identify a Safe Crisis Person

We all need someone to lean on. Before heading into potentially stressful family situations, choose a safe person—someone you can text or call when things get tough.

This could be a friend, a partner, or even a mentor who understands your situation. Knowing they’re just a message away can boost your sense of safety and resilience during difficult moments.

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6. Create an Exit Strategy

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is leave a situation that feels harmful or unsafe. Have an exit strategy in place before you visit family. This could look like:

• Scheduling a friend to call you with a made-up “emergency.”

• Booking flexible travel arrangements so you can leave earlier if needed.

• Setting a firm departure time, like leaving after dinner or the next morning.

Remember, your comfort and safety come first.

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7. Seek Professional Support

The holidays can stir up deep emotions and old wounds, and it’s okay to seek help. Connecting with an LGBTQ-affirming therapist can provide tailored strategies to navigate this season.

We’re here for you. Whether it’s unpacking family dynamics, building coping mechanisms, or simply holding space for your feelings, you don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to schedule a session—we’d love to support you.

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Final Thoughts

Navigating the holiday season as a queer person can feel overwhelming, but it’s also an opportunity to lean on the resilience and strength that’s a hallmark of our community. Whether you’re setting boundaries, taking a breather, or turning to trusted allies, remember: You deserve joy, peace, and love this holiday season—just as you are.

Happy holidays from all of us at Arrive Therapy. You’ve got this. 🌈

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