After the Transition—Reflections, Recovery, and Continuing the Journey
Home in Pennsylvania
In between the August and December surgeries, I arranged a fall semester of free voice lessons after researching three providers who all specialized in helping transgender people, especially trans women. Estradiol does not help raise your voice.
Surgery, Setbacks, and Strength—A Mother’s Role in Gender-Affirming Care
Surgeries in Arizona
We stayed in an Airbnb townhouse close to the surgeon’s office, surgical center, and local hospital. As planned, we had a rental car for 10 days and used an Uber from then on. Since I was not working and Caroline had recently attended her second college graduation, we were able to stay in town for all follow-up visits with the surgeon.
Fighting for Coverage—Navigating Insurance for Gender-Affirming Surgery
Medical Insurance
Part of trans advocacy for Caroline was pinning down her medical insurance coverage. I had to challenge her employer to reveal transgender surgeries covered by her policy (contract) by arranging a meeting with In-House Counsel and the Head of Benefits.
Navigating the Legal System—Name and Gender Marker Changes Without a Lawyer
Legal Gender and Name Change
I can’t tell you how lucky I was to have the mentor I met at my first PTWC. She happened to live in the same county in Pennsylvania as Caroline. She took the time to write a seven-page document on how to save tons of money by not hiring an attorney to file the required paperwork for a legal name change at the County Court of Common Pleas.
From Hormones to Coming Out—The First Steps of Medical and Social Transition
Physical and Social Transition Begins
One of the most difficult and frustrating tasks in 2017–18 was finding an endocrinologist who was willing to help Caroline with her 15-month pre-surgical hormone treatment following her decision not to save sperm. I searched her insurance network and called group practices of endocrinologists, one after another, and was told that not only did they not have anyone trained in transgender care, they had no one interested in coming up to speed to do so.
Finding Mentors and Mapping a Path—Lessons from the Philadelphia Trans Wellness Conference
Making Progress
The best advice we received from a therapist was to attend the annual Philadelphia Transgender Wellness Conference (PTWC). I attended all three days for three years in a row.
From Therapy Hurdles to Community Support—Navigating the Early Days of Transition
Immediately After Disclosure to Mother at Age 23
Now what?! The next day I headed off to a medical library open to the public in a local hospital. The medical librarian printed three of the most recent studies about transgender people from scientific publication subscriptions paid for by the hospital.
“Mom, I’m a Girl”—A Mother’s First Steps Toward Supporting Her Trans Daughter
“Mom, I’m a girl.”
One day, at the age of 23, my daughter sat me down and simply said: “Mom, I’m a girl.” Within a fraction of a second I replied: “Oh, what do we need to do about that?” She knew enough about the subject to say she needed to start by seeing a therapist.
How to Survive the Holidays (As a Queer Person)
The holiday season can be a mixed bag for queer people. Between family gatherings, nostalgic traditions, and potential challenges in environments that may not fully embrace who you are, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
Here’s your ultimate guide to navigating the holidays as a queer person, filled with practical tips to protect your peace and prioritize your well-being.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 20: Forgive Yourself
Supporting a transgender child is a journey full of emotions, learning, and growth. As a parent, it's important to recognize that you won't always get everything right. It's easy to feel overwhelmed or worry that you've made mistakes along the way, but a critical part of this journey is learning to forgive yourself. Prioritizing mental health support for both you and your child is key in navigating this process, and seeking out trans-inclusive counseling can offer the professional guidance you both need.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 19: Ask Before Acting
As the family of a trans kid, one of the most important principles you can embrace is respect for your child’s autonomy. Transitioning, or exploring one’s gender identity, is deeply personal, and every step of the journey should center on your child’s comfort and choices. Parental support for trans kids is not just about offering love and encouragement, but also about recognizing and honoring their right to make decisions about their identity and how it is shared with others.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 18: Become an Ally
One of the most impactful ways to support your transgender child is to learn how to be an ally. As your child grows and faces challenges unique to the transgender community, your role as an advocate becomes even more important. Being an ally isn’t just about accepting your child’s identity—it’s about actively standing up for them and creating a world where they can thrive.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 17: Prioritize Mental Health (Yours and Theirs)
When supporting your transgender child, prioritizing LGBTQ+ mental health is essential for both your child’s well-being and your own. Mental health plays a critical role in navigating the challenges and emotions that come with their transition, and as a parent, you have the opportunity to foster a nurturing and supportive environment. This means focusing on not just your child’s mental health, but also your own, as you both face different, yet equally important, emotional journeys.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 16: Check In Regularly
Parenting a transgender child comes with unique challenges and responsibilities. One of the most crucial aspects of how to parent a trans child is to maintain open, ongoing communication. Whether your child came out years ago or more recently, it’s important to check in regularly with them about their well-being, feelings, and evolving needs. These regular conversations not only show your love and support but also create a safe space where your child feels heard and valued.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 15: Let Go, Accept, Grieve
Raising a child is filled with dreams, expectations, and milestones. However, when your child comes out as transgender, those expectations may suddenly shift, and parents can experience a range of emotions that may feel overwhelming. In this crucial time, it is important to remember that your child’s journey is theirs, and one of the most significant ways to support them is by processing your own emotions and learning to let go of the future you envisioned for them. It’s natural to feel confused, afraid, or even grieve the loss of the identity you thought your child had.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 14: Get Therapy for You and Your Child
Therapy can provide essential support for both you and your transgender child, offering a safe, non-judgmental environment where you can address challenges and emotions. Engaging in therapy—whether individually or together—can play a pivotal role in navigating the complexities of gender identity and the family dynamics that come with it.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 13: Jump In and Participate
A powerful way to support your transgender child is by jumping in and participating in their interests, events, and hobbies. When your child expresses an interest in attending Pride events or joining trans support groups, being actively involved alongside them sends a message of unwavering support and solidarity. Your presence in these spaces shows that you not only accept their identity but also value the things that are important to them. This active engagement can make a significant difference in your child’s confidence and sense of belonging.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 12: Educate Yourself
One of the most important steps in supporting your transgender child is committing to ongoing trans education for parents. Understanding the complexities of gender and sexuality is key to fostering an inclusive and supportive environment for your child. As a parent, taking the time to educate yourself not only helps you become a more informed ally, but it also equips you with the knowledge to guide your child through their unique journey with confidence and empathy.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 11: Find a Local Gender Clinic
Supporting your transgender child through their journey involves connecting them with the appropriate resources, and one of the most crucial steps is finding a local gender clinic. These clinics specialize in providing comprehensive care for transgender individuals, offering not only medical support but also counseling and emotional guidance.
How to Support Your Trans Child, Part 10: Connect to Resources for Trans Kids (And Parents of Trans Kids)
Supporting a transgender child can be both rewarding and challenging, especially when you’re unsure where to turn for help. Utilizing resources for trans kids and for yourself as a parent or caretaker can make a significant impact on your journey. Access to the right tools and support systems is essential to ensure your child feels validated and empowered.
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